Thursday, June 8, 2006

Something Weird Video’s Prostitute Triple Feature

Prostitute Protection Society – 1966

     Ahhh, grindhouse glory from Barry Mahon! This movie is everything you’d expect from Barry in New York in the sixties. And we can learn an awful lot from this movie. One of the first things you’ll learn is that hookers are terrible actors. The lines are delivered so woodenly, you’ll think that the dialogue was written by Ed Wood.

You’ll also learn that patience is a virtue that comes to those who wait. Forty minutes into this flick and the score is Gangsters 7, Ho’s 0. They finally get around to defending themselves.

The girls finally get revenge on the Mob Boss. They take a knife, and “make his sing Soprano”. He he, we had to wait 30 years for this joke to be made, but it’s pretty funny now. Soprano, mobster. Get it?

Two beers out of five. Not nearly enough simulated sex here.

Meeting on 69th Street – 1969

     Three girls open a cat house & their first customers are sailors. Huh. Who would have thought? Watching this movie made me ask a very important question: Why do prostitutes wear granny undies? And reminds us of the lost art of the sixties: Having sex with your underwear on.

Three beers out of five. Shorter, with better looking hookers.

The Hookers – 1967

     Here we have a group of three vignettes, all showing how women came to hookers. The director, Jalo Miklos Horthy, made this and only this. See, there is a god!

Our first girl, a pretty black secretary, was raped by 2 hayseeds, we see in flashback. Somehow, this led to a live of taking money for sex. Not sure how that works. Certainly, they don’t bother to tell us here.

And now I can die a happy man. I’ve seen THE SUMARAIN FIRE DANCE at the GoGo Palace.

Two beers out of five.

Finally, I’d like to mention something that I’ve noticed while watching all these sexploitation movies. In modern movies, when there’s a nude scene, the woman’s breasts all look alike. Every one has been augmented, and made the same as every other dancer/actress. In these movies from the sixties, the vast majority are natural, and there are all sorts of different breast shapes and sizes. So if you’re a fan of the female mammories, then sexploitation is the subgenre for you.