Saturday, March 8 through Thursday, March 13, 2008

Saturday, March 8, 2008
Beowulf - 2007

For some reason, my expectations for this movie were really low. So I am presently surprised that it is much better than I thought. I also had not realized that it was entirely CGI'd, like the Final Fantasy movie, or Polar Express. It's that creepy, perfect CG, so that the people look a little like the actor's who voice'd and rotoscoped the action.

The only extra was A Hero's Journey, the Making of Beowulf, which was amazing. The technology and effort required to make a movie like this seems WAY beyond the worth. Granted, there are no sets to build, as everything is green screened in. And you don't have to paint out the wires for the wirework. But MAN, is it complicated and I imagine, expensive.

Sunday, March 9, 2008
Godzilla Double Feature
Godzilla vs the Sea Monster - 1966

This is a pretty good "classic" Godzilla, but I get the feeling I've seen it before, maybe under a different name. Or maybe the island-based bad guys is just an often used theme. Kinda irritating too that Godzilla doesn't actually do anything until 55 minutes in. Still, Parker and I enjoyed it. Too bad there's no extras at all.

Son of Godzilla - 1967

Terrible. Painful to watch. A true test of bad-movie loving stamina. You gotta be 9 to think this is anything other than god-awful. Cute and confusing, a death curse to any movie. This is, in my humble opinion, the worst Godzilla movie I have ever seen. Avoid like the plague, unless you like terminal cute-ness.

Monday, March 10, 2008
The Rage - 2007

It's Andrew Divoff, of Wishmaster fame. I like him. And Erin Brown, better known as Misty Mundae. And Reggie Bannister, beloved Phantasm star. So with a cast like this, what's not to like? Well, first off, a note to aspiring directors: Shakeycam does NOT equal scary. We all know you are hiding lack of detail by making it so we can't see anything. Shakeycam has become the new "too dark" problem for modern horror movies. In the seventies, if there wasn't enough money for a decent monster, they just made the movie too dark to see anything, and your mind filled in the blanks. Well, today, you just shake the shit out of the camera, and accomplish the same affect. Hopefully, shakeycam will go the way of "too dark", and we can get back to watching movies without taking aspirin.

There is lots of gore and blood here, so that helps. Actually, this is better than you'd expect. And the puppet Zombie buzzards are pretty funny. It is a novel idea to have a zombie plague spread by buzzards. Actually, now that I think about this, it's a lot like Killing birds - uccelli assassini (Zombie 5).

Commentary features director Robert Kurtzman, and writer/producer John Bisson. Pretty average. Nothing really noteworthy here. Only other extras include a making of that's over an hour long. Okay, that is just excessive. But, it does make up for the lack of technical details in the commentary. There's everything you'd ever want to know about making the movie right here.

Tuesday, March 10, 2008
Alien vs Hunter - 2007

Yes, it's another movie from Asylum Entertainment, the company that has reinvented itself into making rushed knock offs of similarly named movies and getting them out on DVD just before the "big budget" movie hits the theaters. Some of these haven't been too bad. Others, like Transmorphers, are pretty terrible. This one falls into the second category. You can tell it was written in a matter of days, the plot has so many holes, and there are so many "unshot" scenes, that the movie makes no sense whatsoever.

The "star" of this movie is William Katt (of Greatest American Hero and House fame). It sounds like him, and you can see it's him in the eyes, but MAN, is aging a bitch. Of course, my wife and I say that every day too.

It's amazing just how bad some actors can be. I mean, I realize that they didn't have a lot of time to memorize their lines, but I've seen more expression in a Gerry Anderson Super-Marionette. But to be fair, some of this dialogue couldn't be delivered well even by an exceptional actor.

And the editing so atrocious. I mean, suddenly a car is flipped over. I have no idea how many aliens there are. Is it only one? Is there more than one, or does this director just not understand camera angles? And the dialogue keeps cutting out in mid-sentence. If you can't afford a good grip, how about doing a little ADR? Sheesh!

Commentary has Line Producer Nick Everhart and Second Assistant director Xavier S. Puslowski. You know you're in trouble when the only folks they can get for a commentary are this far down the credits roll. Lots of "we didn't have time" as an explanation for lack of continuity and logic holes. No shit, sherlock. Two weeks pre-production, 12 day shoot, 4 months to edit, print, and distribute. They state that Asylum has the goal of 12 movies a year. That's another reason why these things are so uneven. It is funny to hear these guys admit that something is not very good, doesn't work, makes no sense, etc. At least they're honest. And in fact, that's the biggest thing Asylum has going for it. They freely admit what they are doing, and make no bones about it. So they earn points for honesty.

Other extras include a Behind the Scenes that's pretty good, actually, and a very short and not as good Blooper Reel.

Wednesday, March 12, 2008
Welcome to the Grindhouse

If Quentin's Grindhouse movie has done one good thing, it's gotten a lot of classic 70's and 80's grindhouse movies released on DVD. This series is one of a couple that are saving some real gems. This pair is one of the best in the series.

Don't Answer The Phone - 1980

Standard 80's pycho killer flick. Well, at least there's some nice natural boobage, finally! Been a pretty dry spell for ol' Dirkmaster. The guy who players the strangler, Nicholas Worth, was in Charles Band's Dark Angel: The Ascent, Darkman, Hell Comes to Frogtown, and a ton of TV. The only real problem with this movie is the title. I don't get the "don't answer the phone" part.

Prime Evil - 1988

Ahhh, a Roberta Findlay film. Gotta love that. This is a pretty standard 80's Satanic cult movie. (I wonder where all the Satanists went? Maybe they've gone underground and are hiding in the government). I'm only confused about where the demon came from. One minute, nothing, the next minute, there he is. Don't you usually have to summon those guys? And you will all be pleased to know that the Nun subplot pays off.

Thursday, March 13, 2008
Barn of the Naked Dead - 1974 aka Nightmare Circus

This movie may be one of the biggest rip off's in history. First off, they're not naked. Second, they're not dead. It is a great example of 70's exploitation, however. The director, Alan Rudolph, did 29 movies, none of which you have ever heard of. And after watching this snoozefest, you can understand why. No action, no blood, and a barely discernible plot.

Other extras include an interview with the main actor Andrew Prine, who was in a lot of other stuff (120 TV appearances!). Johnny Legend interviews him, and so that's pretty entertaining. Prine is pretty honest about not liking people, and things falling apart on the set. He's a friend of Quentin Tarintino, so that's a good thing too. The other extra is the best thing on the whole disk, an edition of Gore Beat video magazine, where Johnny Legend interviews John Landis, Fred Olen Ray, and Brian Yunza. And then to top it all off, the king of crap himself, Ray Dennis Steckler! Almost an hour of very funny and historically revealing interviews. Rent this, skip the movie, and watch this!