Week of Sept 4 to Sept 10

Monday, September 4, 2006
The Slaughterhouse Massacre – 2005

Once again, we have a movie where the entire cast are “teens” (who seldom look like teens) that I hope die; quickly. I hate them all. They are obnoxious, arrogant, and basically all spoiled brats. Lots of nice titties, though.

Not an original thought in the whole damn movie. It is SO derivative, that it actually made me mad. This movie is absolutely terrible. The hot girl-on-girl action and boobage is the only good things here.

House That Dripped Blood – 1970

     Here we have an excellent anthology from England, and look at the stars in this thing. Christopher Lee, Peter Cushing, and Jon Pertwee (Dr. Who #3). Clever stories, great set, it’s all good. No extras, though, which is a disappointment. Still, an excellent little flick for a rainy evening.

Tuesday, September 5
The Cavern – 2005

     Well, if you love shaky cam, jump cuts, not enough light, and shots too short to tell what is happening, this is the movie for you. Basically, if you’re a visual masochist. Otherwise, give this a pass.

There are a couple of good gore shots, but it does NOT make up for an hour of unintelligible video. And OMG, this is the worst ending EVER. Seriously. I couldn’t believe it. I sat there, thinking, surely they’re not going to leave it like this. I watched the entire credits, thinking there would be a final scene. NOPE. Absolutely terrible. No fun whatsoever.

There are subtitles, and a commentary by the writer/director. And he’s one of these jerks that thinks his junk is a treasure, and that “under a million” is a low budget. No, that’s standard budget. Then 5+ million is big budget, and less than 100K is low budget. Don’t try to apologize for your crappy movie by saying its low budget, when you had $750K to work with. I’ll show you dozens of good movies made for less than $100K, and dozens of rotten movies where 10’s of millions of dollars were wasted.

Wednesday, Sept 6
Zombiegeddon – 2003

     Now, this is MUCH better. Zombie fun from Troma. First off, it’s shorter than The Cavern, but made for about ¼. 8 days, $20K. And look at all the “stars”!! Tom Savini, Brink Stevens, Conrad Brooks, J.R. Bookwalter, Lloyd Kaufman, Joe Estevez, Robert Z’Dar, and Ron Jeremy.

And boobage too. What’s not to like?

No subs, but 2 commentaries. First is with the writer/director Chris Watson, just calling folks on the phone and bitching about actors and distributors. He’s not a happy camper. Can’t tell, but am fairly sure that Troma WASN’T the distributor that screwed him. He doesn’t name names.

The second commentary is by 3 Zombies. Pretty funny. Other extras are Deleted Scenes, Interviews, and a very short behind the scenes featurette.

But, I will take this kind of thing over pretentious shit like The Cavern all day every day.

Thursday, Sept 7
Sandman – 1995

     From Troma to Tempe. More Independent cinema fun. But what was this shot on? Why is it so blue? Ahhhh, and it’s all taking place in a Trailer Park. Making me homesick for my old days in South Carolina in the late eighties. NOT!

No subs, alas, but there is a nice, fun commentary by JR Bookwalter himself and one of his regular actors (James L Edwards). Lots of info about the history of his movies, good and bad (although I’ve enjoyed the “bad” movies he made, and recently released as “Bad Movie Police” series. And now we learn why it looks so funky. Shot on VHS-C for $20K.

Other extras are a Making of and Deleted scenes. This is another fun, independent movie, with a wacky plot and fun characters and cheesy special effects. Bring your own beer.

Friday, Sept 8
City of Rott – 2006

     And if you thought that the above two movies were fun and original, what til you get a load of this! An animated zombie gorefest. Told from the view of an old man and his walker. I can safely say that there has NEVER been a zombie movie where the main hero was over 60, and whose main weapon is a walker. Absolutely awesome, with gore galore!

A word of warning, the volume is VERY uneven in the trailers. Keep your finger on the volume control.

This looks like a hour long Flash animation (it isn’t, but it kinda looks that way). A one man show, which explains why it took so long. Hard to believe that all of this is the work of one guy.

There is a commentary by the creator, and the voice of the old guy. It isn’t the best commentary, as the joke of using the old man voice gets old real fast. But there are some gems of info in here, if you wade through all the old man schtick.

Saturday, Sept 9, 2006
Naked Lunch – 1991

     Ahhh, more David Cronenberg. The King of “WTF?” brings us a tale of Bugs and Eroticism. Prepare your mind for a whole new level of WTF. Peter Weller (Robocop) has his life turned upside down. The lesson here, however, is clear. Eating/breathing bug spray will “F” you up. If you love movies that leave you bewildered when the credits roll, you owe it to yourself to see this movie. Speaking for myself, I love Cronenberg’s work.

Commentary by Cronenberg and Weller. They were not together, or even watching the movie. This is a constructed commentary from audio interviews from other sources. Lots of talk about the author of the original novel (Burroughs, but NOT the guy who wrote Tarzan). This commentary talks less about the making of the movie than any other commentary I’ve ever listened to. It’s sort of an audio interview of Cronenberg and Weller about Burroughs.

The second disc on this Criterion Collection is a HUGE Making of, that’s MUCH more interesting than the commentary.