Week of Aug 28 to Sept 3

My week of Chemo is over, and now I just have to remain at home because I’m “Immuno-compromised” (i.e., got no immune system). So I’m watching a lot of movies. Good for me, bad for you, as this update is taking a long time to write.

Monday, Aug 28
Done The Impossible – 2006

     If you love Serenity and Firefly, you will love this documentary of the fan’s efforts to get either Firefly back on TV or the movie Serenity made. If you don’t know anything about either of these two Joss Whedon masterpieces, stop reading this blog and go over to DeepDiscountDVD and buy them both. You will love them, I guarantee. If by some incredible freak of nature you don’t love them, please stop reading my blog, as I don’t want to be associated with freaks of nature. No, seriously, go away. You are creeping me out.

Okay, now that we only have real, intelligent people here, I was afraid that this would be just a boring, “Trekkies” style documentary. No way, Joshua. Press any key to fight. This is great fun, and brilliantly done. And if the documentary itself, hosted by “Jane” himself wasn’t cool enough, the time line blew me away. Great use of all that the DVD menuing system can do. Very neat. Be sure to click on each entry of the timeline, as that then pop ups either a text box with details, or a little video clip.

I loved this movie, and considering what was going on in my life at this particular moment in time, it was a real “pick me up”. If I was still rating, this would have been a 5 beers, even without nudity.

The Devil’s Sword – 1984

     Indonesia. Mondo Macabro. Need I say more? How can you not love a movie that features bad guys flying on ROCKS they launched by KICKING! And the hero has to fight a giant rock man. The spiritual ancestor of this style is the Japanese heroes like UltraMan and Power Rangers.

There are extras here as well. An interview with the star who turned into a recluse. Twenty years later, and this interview reveals that this guy is a NUT! He looks around like he’s expecting monsters to jump out of the bushes and attack him.

Dracula – Prisoner of Frankenstein – 1972

     A Jesse Franco flick I’ve wanted to see for a long time. Subtitled, since it’s only in Spanish. Features Howard Vernon as Dracula (he’s kinda manic, being all calm one minute, and then freaking out and wild the next). Howard works a lot with Franco.

The special effects are special in that “short bus” kind of special, like special education. The scars on Frankenstein’s monster are literally drawn on with grease pencil. Pathetic!

And there’s a musical number, that I’m sure was real naughty, judging by her tone and body movement. Too bad they didn’t bother to subtitle it. So we’re treated to 4 minutes of unintelligible singing.

This movie is incredibly light on dialogue. I mean, 30 minutes in, and I be there hadn’t been 5 lines. Finally, at minute 41, there is some exposition to explain what the heck is going on.

This movie was a big disappointment. Too little nudity for a Franco movie, no gore, a unfollowable plot, and the actors were like cardboard cut outs (except when Howard turned on the juice). So, basically, it’s a Franco movie without the boobage. Like I said, disappointing. They are usually so fun.

Tuesday, Aug 29
Dead Life – 2005

     I continue my quest to see and own every zombie flick ever made, no matter how cheap. And after seeing over 150 zombie flicks, I have ONE questions: Why does Zombie Flick = Heavy Metal Soundtrack?

Yes, kids, it’s another Super-8, Dead Next Door rip off. It would have been clever and fun in 1980. In 2005 it’s just derivative and cheap. And so, to make it “stand out” (as if), they include disgusting stuff like a guy getting some rear door action from a zombie. Now let me ask a simple question: Why would you hit THAT? I mean, really, no one has ever been THAT desperate. And there, see what happens when you try to hump a zombie. She bit his manhood off. Servers you right, loser.

And I don’t want to say that the folks in this movie are white trash, but it’s not a good sign you have your TV sitting in a folding lawn chair.

There is a commentary here, “powered by beer”. Now, get this. “Scratches are scary”. Yes, that’s right, they shot on Super-8 on purpose, because they think that scratches on film make the movie look scarier. And just to give you an idea of how whacked out these folks are, they say “Jesus loves a zombie movie” in unison about 6 times.

Night Porter – 1974

     I bought this at the Criterion sale DDD had several months back. So you know this movie is supposed to be a classic.

Well, I guess it’s just too much of a classic for me. I thought it was dull and pointless. Didn’t have great photography, didn’t have great acting (unless you love that European, stare off at nothing, style of acting), I’m just not sure what the greatness of this flick is supposed to be.

Reading on the IMDB forum, evidently this is supposed to be riveting, introspective gold. Guess I was just hoping for Nazi sexploitation. The cover certainly gives you that impression. It was just boring to me.

Wednesday, Aug 30, 2006
Mutation – 2006

     A flat-out rip-off of Silent Rage. The hypodermic to the eye wasn’t badly done.

Directed by Brad Skyes (31 movies in IMDB), who brought us Camp Blood 1 & 2, Zombie Chronicles (which I have in 3-D), Death Factory and Goth. So what he lacks in quality he makes up for in quantity.

There are plot holes large and small here. I mean, all zombie/reanimated dead movies require suspension of disbelief. But …. He was cryro-frozen with clothes on?

Eyyyyy, he’s call covered in purple bubbles. I hate purple! And the meltdown at the end isn’t nearly as good as the one in Demon Slaughter, and that movie had a much smaller budget.

There’s a commentary by the husband and wife team, he’s the writer/director, and she’s the producer. There, he admits he knew about Silent Rage. Shot in 6, 12 hour days. And there’s a making of featurette.

Vermilion Pleasure Night, Vol 2

     I have no idea how this Japanese TV show got into my queue. Maybe the name intrigued me. In any case, like all JTV, it leaves you with the irresistible urge to say “WTF?”

It’s pretty funny in parts. I especially liked the skits with the family of zombies, and the ones with manikins. Yep, it’s pretty weird.

Thursday, Aug 31

Rottweiler – 2004

     Well, it’s got Paul Naschy. That’s always a good sign. And it’s directed by Brian Yuzna, of Re-animator fame. So how can this be bad?

Well, how about for starters that it’s told in flashback so much that you don’t know what the hell is going on until the last few minutes of the movie. How about there being too many damn hallucinations, so you never know what’s real and not. If you knew what was going on, that might have been creepy. Since you don’t, it makes the movie absolutely incomprehensible!

And finally, how about the fact that the dog is retarded. It’s had about 10 chances to kill the guy, and then it inexplicably goes after someone else.

There were some nice extras on this disc. First, there were subtitles, which really helped with everyone was whispering. There were cast and crew interviews which explained the plot more than the movie did. And a behind the scenes that was way too damn short.

Overall, pretty disappointing.

Friday, September 1, 2006
The Complete Hammer House of Horror TV Show Box Set

In 1980, for one season, British Television has a series made by the classic Hammer Studio. This box set includes all the episodes.
Disc 1
Witching Time

     Ian McCulloch (Zombie, Zombie 3, and Contamination). A witch travels I time, and tries to reclaim her home. Pretty good, & nice boobage too (hurray for British TV that’s not so puritanical).

The Thirteenth Reunion

     A “think thin” weight loss program? 42 minutes in, and I still don’t get the title.

Ahhh, well, now I do, but what does that have to do with the first 30 minutes of the movie. Seems like two scripts smashed together.

Rude Awakening

     Denholm Elliot (Dr. Brody in the Indiana Jones movies, but he’s got 77 movies and 72 TV credits, so you will have seen him before). More boobage. Gotta like that.  Very good version of that “where does the dream end and reality begin” subgenre.

Disc 2
Growing Pains

     A newly adopted (weirdo) son accidentally summons up a previous, dead son.

The House That Bleed to Death

     Grimiest flat ever. I wouldn’t even walk into this place. I have NEVER seen a place this nasty. Pretty clever twist ending too. Didn’t see that coming.

Saturday, Sept 2
Charlie Boy
     An ancient African voodoo statue kills everyone who angers the hero. Good ending here too.

Disc 3
The Silent Scream

     Peter Cushing!!!!! A thief befriended by an old man with peculiar ideas. WOW! Best one so far. Very creepy, and very original. You don’t see this kind of thing very often. This one would hold up well against all the new “Masters of Horror” shows.

Children of the Full Moon

     Couple gets stranded with an overly kind old woman and a houseful of weird kids. This one I actually guessed the “secret” before it was revealed. Still, great acting and great sets make up for a weaker than usual plot.

Carpathian Eagle

     Someone is killing young men, and cutting out their hearts. Watch and see if you recognize from his bit part Pierce Brosnan (very early in his career). I wonder if that is his original accent, or just made up for the part? And at the very end, there’s William Morgan Sheppard, the Soul Hunter from Babylon 5, Blank Reg from the Max Headroom TV Movie (and the professor hologram from SeaQuest, but I’m almost ashamed to admit I watched the first season of that show).

Disc 4
Guardian of the Abyss

     Paul Darrow! (Kerr Avon in Blake 7, the British TV show I most want to come out on DVD). This episode was evidently released as a feature (even though it was only 50 minutes). The ending SUCKS, though. It’s like they just ran out of time/money/ideas. I wonder if the “feature” version has a better ending?

The Mark of Satan

     Life in a morgue. Man, this guy is a nut! Creepy show about the slow descent into madness. Very well done.

Visitor From the Grave

     Your standard “let’s drive her insane” story. Probably one of the weakest, since it’s been done so often.

Sunday, Sept 3, 2006

The Two Faces of Evil
     Huh? How can she not know her own husband. Sorry, not buying that one. This one falls apart on that fact alone. I can’t suspend disbelief that you wouldn’t know the difference between your husband and a stranger, no matter how traumatized you are. Evil doppelgangers, eh. Shades of Invasion of the Body Snatchers.

Well, there you have it. A whole season of shows, and most good, a couple excellent, and a couple weak. Definitely worth the money.

SARS Wars: Bangkok Zombie Crises – 2004

     Very funny. A movie made in Thailand with lots of jokes against Asian movies and zombie movies. Plus great Thai stunts. Out-freaking standing! If you like Asian movies, and zombie movies, this is a must have. You will laugh your ass off.

There are a few extras here. Deleted scenes, and a Making Of featurette that is WAY too short.