Week of August 14 to 20

Monday, August 14, 2006
Frankenstein Meets the Space Monster – 1965

This is a piece of classic bad cinema from my youth. I remember going to a local cinema to see this movie in Indianapolis. I would have been 8 years old. I hope we didn’t pay more than a dime to get in back then.

And you may not recognize the face, but you should recognize the voice of the chief scientist. That’s James Karen, Return of the Living Dead’s Frank in his first feature film roll, at 42!

Budget of 60K and about at a level of what Ed Wood would have done with that much money. The people’s enthusiasm for their rolls shows. AND there’s the groovy soundtrack! More stock footage than you can shake a stick at.

Subtitles, but no commentary. Pity. This is a lot of fun.

Scars of Dracula – 1970

Wow, check out Patrick Troughton (Dr Who #2)! I barely recognized him with the wild hair and bad teeth. This has a pretty gory beginning, but relatively bloodless thereafter. No Peter Cushing, and no real drive. It just kinda plods along.

No subs, but there is a commentary with Director Ray Ward Baker and Christopher Lee, along with Hammer Historian Marcus Hearn. Fairly interesting. Chris not a big fan of “explicit” horror, but a big fan of Benny Hill. Go figure.

Tuesday, August 15, 2006
Mind Hunter – 2004

This was a better movie than I expected, considering it cost $27M and only grossed $4.48M. Subtitles and commentary. Directed by guy who did Die Hard 2 and Exorcist: The Beginning.

Well, Christian Slater’s part was short, but a nice gruesome ending. In fact, this whole movie has a lot of great deaths. Sort of like a Saw with FBI folks.

Commentary has Renny Harlin (director) and only him. Once again, proof that a solo commentary is a bad idea.

Extras include a Making of, a Stunt Sequence, and a walkthrough of the town.

National Treasure – 2004

This too was better than I expected. In fact, I really enjoyed this one. There’s enough real history here, and there are many “funny” things about our founding fathers (the eye above the pyramid on our money, for instance) that it seems VERY believable.

And the director does a good job, which is amazing considering that he’s a Disney hack, having previously done The Kid and Phenomenon. And the bad guy is Sean Bean, Boromir from LOTR.

And a TON of extras, some of which are locked behind a simple little game. Neat. Overall a pleasant surprise all around.

Wednesday, August 16, 2006 thru Saturday, August 19, 2006
Pendumlum Pictures Collection – Depraved Degenerates

Man, what a pack of hurters. There’s not $100,000 spent total on the 6 movies. And if you spend more than $10 on this set, you will feel ripped off. Hell, after seeing them, you may feel ripped of if you got them for free.

Abberdine County Conjuror – 2006

Shot on video without enough light, so the whole thing is dark and grainy. So blurry, in fact, that you can’t even make out who is who (not that you’ll care). This thing is so crappy is funny. Fight scenes where they aren’t even trying to look they’re making contact (or the cameraman and editor are so inept they don’t realize that you can see them swing and miss).

Completely incomprehensible, due to bad audio and worse video. Two hours of total trash. And no nudity to save it. A big fat zero in anyone’s book. Watch with a crowd of your drunken friends, and MSTie away.

Burning Dead – no IMDB entry (go figure)

Bunch of ugly actors performing with more bad/non-existent lighting. The ending is utterly predictable (I called it to my wife 10 minutes in).

The Dead Live – 2006

IMDB says they spent $10K on this. That must have been spent PAINTING THE BLOOD onto the film in post. I’m not kidding. There blood sprays appear to be digital. And believe it or not, the audio is even worse. They obviously used the microphone built into the VHS camera this was shot on. It’s utter inaudible. I have no idea what this movie is about, as I could not make out any of the dialogue.

This one has the worst “special effects” of the bunch. And the worst audio of any movie EVER!

Kill Them and Eat Them – 2003

More dark, bad audio, shot on VHS crap. This one at least has some inexpensive but artsy animation intermixed to make it vaguely interesting. And it has a small degree of Originality.

Old Man – 2004

A valiant attempt at a low budget ghost story. Easily the best of the set, but that’s damning with faint praise.

Suburban Sasquatch – 2004

With a name like that, you know you’re in for pain, and your expectations OUGHT to be pretty low. But the CG credits look pretty good, so maybe not.

Three minutes in, and the worst special effects gore I’ve seen in ages. Worse even than the painted in blood sprays of The Dead Live. And the Sasquatch is obviously a gorilla suit from a costume shop. No, really, that’s all it is.

The funniest aspect is how fragile people are in this movie. They’re arms and legs pop off with a slap. I thought that until the gorilla picked up the cop car. NOW I’ve seen the worst special affect in history. I laughed so hard beer came out my nose.

Saturday, August 19, 2006
The Naked Monster – 2005

Here is an example of how an independent, micro budget movie can be good. This is a loving tribute to the monster movies of the 50’s and sixties. There’s more clips from more movies that I have than you can shake a stick at.

Brinke Stevens!!!! Greatness! What more do you want? You want more, you say, well okay. Let’s play spot the ancient movie star. There’s John Agar from the Creature from the Black Lagoon and about a hundred others, there’s Ann Robinson from War of the Worlds.

Yucca Flats, Population 0! LOL! If you get this joke, you MUST own this movie.

No subs, but there’s a commentary with the director. Here we learn that it was shot on Super-8 (who’d have guessed? And it’s from the folks that gave us Microwave Massacre. Some was shot in 1984, and some was shot in 1994. Pretty amazing how you can stitch together stuff shot 10 years apart.

And deleted scenes too. What a great little DVD!

Sunday, August 20, 2006
Retromedia Entertainment’s Blood-o-Rama Shock Festival
Claw of Terror – 1973

Aka Scream Bloody Murder. Which starts off with a nice kid who runs over his own Dad for no reason with a tractor, and then impossibly runs over his own hand.

Reminds me a little of Don’t Look in the Basement – same kinda look and feel. And who do we have here but Angus Scrimm (The Tall Man from the Phantasm movies) in this 2nd movie ever. It seems so odd to see him as a good guy.

A still gallery is the only extra.

Movie House Massacre – 1984

Aka Blood Theater. With Mary Woronov! This one is a big step backwards. Dull & dumb. I found myself wishing “Plz god, can’t they all die now?” It sounds Italian, but it would have had nudity in it if it was.

Torture Chamber of Dr Sadism – 1967

Aka The Blood Demon or The Castle of the Walking Dead. West German production staring Christopher Lee. In the end, it’s the Pit and The Pendulum. It’s a pretty good flick, considering there’s virtually no blood at all.

Black Mamba – 1974

Ahhh, and we wrap up with a Voodoo flick starring John Ashley (if that’s John Ashley, this must be the Phillipines!). And sure enough, it’s John Ashley vs the Voodoo woman. Guess who wins, and gets the girl?