Week of June 24

Week of June 24

Saturday, June 24
Bloodrayne – 2005

     Uwe Boll living up to his reputation as a terrible director. Gore does not equal good. Ben Kingsley obviously misunderstood, he thought he was a zombie. That’s the only excuse for his lifeless performance. And the fact that the director let him get away with it shows that he doesn’t know how to direct. You could have used a cardboard cut out of Sir Ben and it would have been just as animated.

There were subtitles and a commentary with a whole slew of people (stars, producers, director, and first AD), yet it’s dull and dumb. Not sure how you pull that off. You’d think that someone from that group would be interesting. No such luck. We do learn one important detail that I think speaks volumes. The movie took 10-12 weeks to shoot, and spent 10 MONTHS in post.

There’s a CGI Making of that’s too short, and a Dinner With Uwe Boll that’s probably the best thing on the disc, including the movie. There’s lots of personal history of Uwe, and the female host makes the astonishing statement “The more blood and tits, the better!” Best line on the whole damn disc.

Sunday, June 25
Frankenstein vs The Creature From Blood Cove – 2005

     This was an excellent homage to the “Creature Feature” movies of days past. A Black and White movie with decent monsters, good acting (just a touch over the top occasionally, like in the originals), but a modern plot. There are no subtitles, but there’s a commentary. Hey, this movie is directed by the same guy who did “The Double-D Avenger”. This is better, as there’s some nice boobage here, whereas there was NONE in Double-D. Yeah, I know. It doesn’t make any damn sense. The director admitted it too.

A nice little group of extras as well. Deleted scenes, Audition reel, Bloopers, and a Making of Featurette. Overall, this is a great disc for anyone whoever watched the Universal movies late at night. The only thing it’s missing is a horror host.

Monday, June 26
Night Watch – 2004

     Wow! I had heard that this was really good, but I didn’t expect it to be THIS good. A truly novel plot, great affects, and good acting. The ONLY drawback is the fact that it’s all in Russian, so you gotta read the subtitles, sometimes pretty fast. Interestingly enough, even though there’s no English dialogue, there’s an English Commentary, as the director speaks pretty good English. There is also a subtitled commentary by the writer, but I didn’t go thru that, as three times thru this 114 minute long flick is just too much.

One of the reasons that this is so original, is that it was never made with the foreign markets in mind. It was made by Russians for Russians. So, for us, it’s truly novel. Wish more people did that, instead of just remaking everything from the 70 & 80s again.

Tuesday, June 27 – Friday, June 30
The Time Tunnel, Vol 2

     This is the rest of the episodes of this classic Irwin Allen SF TV show from the 60’s. It’s weird to think that the first time I saw some of these episodes, I was 10 years old.

Revenge of Robin Hood
     Was Robin Hood supposed to be around during the signing of the Magna Carter?

Kill Two by Two
     An Island in the Pacific during WWII. This was an interesting plot. The actor, Mako, has played more Japanese than probably any other. 54 movies, including Pearl Harbor and Memoirs of a Geisha, along with 76 TV shows, including the cartoon Avatar, that my kids love!

Visitors from Beyond the Stars
     Aliens land in 1885! Good plot, weak ending.

The Ghost of Nero
     Here’s a weird one. The guy who plays Muscillini at the end is presently the Property Master on My Name is Earl. Also starring Richard Jaeckel, who was in 70 movies including last month’s Day of the Animals. John Hoyt, plaing Dr. Steinhulte, was in 136 TV Shows, including the pilot of the original Star Trek, and an episode of Kolchak the Night Stalker. He was also in 67 movies, including Flesh Gordon, X: The Man With X-Ray Eyes, and Attack of the Puppet People.

The Walls of Jericho
     Joshua, Rhodes Reason, was also in an episode of Star Trek, the Original Series – Bread and Circuses.

Idol of Death
     Okay, that does it! America’s most secret project? Bullshit! They bring someone in from the outside (sometimes even foreign governments) about every other episode. They bring someone in without even him getting clearance. These guys don’t know security from squat. But then, just watching how ineffective the guards are tells you that. They never once accomplish their purpose. This place definitely needs a new Head of Security. I mean, how pathetic is it when you are held hostage by a single Mexican?

Billy the Kid
     The actor playing Billy, Robert Walker Jr, will be in Easy Rider in 2 years.

Pirates of Deadman’s Island
     Stock footage of sailing ship battles. The film doesn’t match very well at all. And once again, worst guards ever. One confused pirate with a sword takes over. Sheesh!

Chase Through Time
     Holy crap, that’s Robert Duval!! And yet another example of how utterly worthless the guards are. They might as well have hired the Nazis from Hogan’s Heros.

The Death Merchant
     Here’s another novel concept that they don’t explore. Somehow, Machavelli is transported to the Civil War. Interesting. Wish they’d done more with it.

Attack of the Barbarians
     John Saxon as Marco Polo. And here’s Vitina Marcus again. He’s obviously a favorite of the casting director.

Merlin the Magician
     Vincent Beck as Wotan, is the beloved Voldar in Santa Claus Conquers The Martians. Strangely, IMDB lists 2 people as Merlin. Can’t say why. This one is an interesting story too.

The Kidnappers
     Yet more pointless guard action. Michael Ansara again. He was Colonel Hruda in Secret Weapon last set. Del Monroe, who plays O.T.T., will go on to be a regular on Irwin’s next TV Show, Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea.

Raiders From Outer Space.
     Wow, the guy playing the Prince from Alien Planet (Kevin Hagen) is in 4 episodes. The casting director must REALLY have loved this guy.

Town of Terror
     Did you recognize the voice of Andro Leader? Yep, its Vincent Beck again.

And they never get them back home. Kinda sad, really. This show holds up mighty well, considering its over 30 years old.

And as a bonus feature, there’s the unaired Fox Pilot from 2002. It was kinda interesting. Different, but interesting. The reason for them traveling in time is different, and they have a lot more control. It’s actually sort of a cross between Stargate and Quantum Leap. It’s a great extra, however, as it makes it easy for us completists. Now, all we gotta do is wait for the SciFi Channel’s remake later this year.