Week of July 1 through July 8

Week of July 1 through July 8

Saturday, July 1, 2006
Power of Evil Brentwood Collection
Unhinged – 1992
     I am surprised to find that this is the exact disc released separately by IndieDVD, right down to the comedy commentary featuring “Too Much Coffee Man”.  All the extras are here, which is very unusual for a Brentwood compilation set.

This video Nasty is not so nasty by today’s standards. It would get an “R” at best, and no complaints or comments. Plus, it has “tits in the first reel”, as we said on the sub, so that’s a big plus.

Harvesters – 2000
     I’ve had this puppy on my wish list since about the very beginning, I think. Now that I see it, I really have to wonder why, ‘cause it’s nothing to write home about. Sort of a Clonus/The Island rip off that does have a satisfying ending. It also has a very quotable line that I wrote down. “Let’s just say that paranoia has its advantages”

Sunday, July 2, 2006
Die Hard Dracula – 1998
     I bought this movie as a VCD from BijouFlix way back in the start of my collecting days. I had forgotten just how terrible this movie is. It tries SO hard to be funny, and just fails at every turn. I features the world’s most unsexy Dracula, a flying coffin, so many subplots that you can’t keep them straight without writing them down, a hero you wish would drown instead of the girl he’s pinning after (don’t ask, one of the many pointless subplots) and a conclusion so telegraph’d that Morris wants a cut. It has the feel of a movie made from 3 scripts that were dropped, and since the pages weren’t numbered, they kinda got all jumbled together when the decided to combine them into one.

Creepy Tales – Girls Night Out – 2003
     This has the feel of a local Horror Host putting together his own DVD featuring the “talents” of locals. It’s an anthology, tied together by this self same Horror Host. It is summarily terrible, featuring a script written by a 12 year old, and acting talent pulled from the local community college. Hysterical with enough beer, painful sober.

Monday, July 3, 2006
Singapore Sling – 1990
     The strong warning on the Netflix label should have given me a heads up, but I gotta admit I wasn’t expecting anything this rough. You gotta give Netflix credit for carrying titles that are outside the mainstream, and not many people’s cup of tea. This is why I will NEVER be a member of the Blockbuster Online. If all you do is watch what is on HBO or Showtime anyway, then by all means, BO is a good deal. But if you want to broaden your horizons, head to Netflix.

But back to Singapore Sling. First off, this movie was made in Greece. I bet I can could on one hand the movies I’ve seen from Greece. Second, these guys don’t spare the visuals when trying to paint a picture of madness. And there’s plenty of pickle for the ladies. There are as many “WTF?!?” moments in this movie as any David Lynch flick. And there’s a LOT more disgusting stuff. I mean, like golden and roman showers. If you don’t know what they are, you probably had better not rent this flick. But if you are feeling adventurous, and like a good mind-f movie, this one’s absolutely stunning.

The Brood – 1979
     David Cronenberg goodness. More WTF action.  A “pop” psychologist finds that his method of helping sick people work thru their problems, and in the process, physically manifest them, has horrifying side effects. This is a great movie; unfortunately, the movie’s DVD is less then stellar. No extras whatsoever. But you gotta love Oliver Reed at his creepiest, and a cast that does an OUTSTANDING job acting crazy.

Tuesday, July 4, 2006
MOH, John Landis – Deer Woman - 2005
     Yeah, only I would celebrate the birth of our country by watching the Masters of Horror episode, Deer Woman. John Landis (American Werewolf in London) is back in the genre that he helped create (the Horror Comedy subgenre) with a vengeance. This is classic stuff, very similar in look and feel to AWIL. I really liked this episode, although I do have to admit that the ending sucked.

The black cop’s final line is both funny and emotionally powerful. You’ll really like it.

The commentary doesn’t have Landis, and that’s too back, although there’s several good documentaries/featurettes, many of which feature him, and there’s a ton of really interesting information here, as well as a fine, fun story. Dirkmaster recommends this one (only the second I’ve really like in the whole MOH series).

Wednesday, July 5, 2006
Candy Stripers – 2006
     You know, I always root for independent movies made on a tiny budget. Some great directors have come out of that category to become truly great (Carpenter and Craven pop immediately to mind). But for every Carpenter out there, there are 50 hacks, and sometimes watching Independent movies is more an exercise is weeding out the chaff to find the wheat.

This is chaff. There isn’t an original idea here. Candy Strip nurses are inhabited by aliens, which makes them crave sugar and sex. The women all “act” like dancers, but there is not enough nudity (there’s some, just not enough). There’s some gore, but not enough to be really interesting. Basically, this movie would have been killer in the 80’s, fair to middlin’ in the 90’s, but its just pedantic here in the 2000’s. At least there were subtitles. No commentary though.

Lost Things – 2003
     An Australian independent movie trying to cash in on the “WTF” craze. Unfortunately, its cast and crew ruin what could have been a decent little movie. First off, within 12 minutes I hated every single one of the characters. I wanted them all dead, and guessed the “surprise” ending at 35 minutes in.

There are black screen times that must add up to 10 minutes. I don’t know whether they are meant to be black, or it’s just so dark you can’t see anything unless you are in a darkened theater. My hi-def TV playing the DVD through Component out (best possible way) in a relatively dark bedroom at night was NOT dark enough to see a damn thing. I can sum this movie up in three words: Dull, Predictable, and Pointless.

Thursday, July 6 – Women In Prison (WIP) double feature
Bare Behind Bars – 1980
     This is a classic WIP movie, with all the prerequisite scenes, including firehose, showers, whipping, Lesbian noogling, and indiscriminate use of machine guns. And this movie really takes the sex scenes to the next level. I am really surprised (and pleased) that Netflix carries this movie. I can only believe that no one there has watched it. Maybe that’s a job I should apply for, movie screener!

Joe Bob Briggs would LOVE this movie, until the very end, when it really turns vile. And the sex might just get a little too hard for him a couple of times. But there’s more bare breasts in this movie than you could count. Plot, Not Applicable. Acting, Ha! Art – not on your life! Entertaining? Hell, yeah!

Amazon Jail – 1982
     Another WIP movie by Oswaldo De Oliveira. Once again, we start off great, with tons of nudity, and all the elements that define the WIP subgenre. But this time, the Frito Bandito is running a white slavery ring.

And once again, the ending is a real downer. And this one is not anywhere near as “hard” as the previous, which is too bad.

Rent Bare Behind Bars before Netflix pulls it. Pass on Amazon Jail.

Friday, July 7, 2006
Joel Reed’s Blood Bath – 1975
     I cannot believe that the man who made Bloodsucking Freaks (which will divide a room of horror movie and b-movie fans faster than a cabbage fart) made this bloodless, PG horror movie. It’s an anthology, with a horror movie director as the link.

No subtitles, but there is a commentary with Joel Reed and the producer of the DVD. Joel seems like a nice guy, being very self-depreciating. Too bad he doesn’t get all his facts straight. He talks a lot about Herchell Gordon Lewis, but gets confused. HGL didn’t create the Corpse Grinders. That would be everybody’s favorite teddy bear, Ted V. Mikels. There’s a making of featurette with interviews with the cast and crew that’s pretty interesting too. More interesting than the movie, in fact. This one is for completists only.

Saturday, July 8, 2006
     T-fest 2006! I saw 9 movies with some luminaries in the Bad Movie world, including Chris Holland of Stomp Tokyo, Ken Begg of Jabootu.com, and Sandy Petersen (creator of the “Call of Cthulhu” RPG). A great time was had by all. Thanks for hosting, Sandy! Thanx to all who set it up.