Monday, May 15, 2006

Joe Versus The Volcano - 1990

I know, I know. What the hell am I doing watching this movie. Well, I'll tell you. I'm brown nosing. It's my new Grandboss' (the boss of my boss) favorite movie. He has an autographic'd copy of it in his office. So, having never seen it, I thought I'd suck up and watch it.

Ready for the surprise? Its a good flick. It starts out really dark, looking almost like a Terry Gilliam movie. It's dark, it's dirty, and the humor is dark as well. Which is pretty surprising, looking at the Executive Producers (Kathleen Kennedy, Frank Marshall, Steven Spielberg), you'd expect a chick flick, and that's exactly what I thought I was in for. Not so. And its got Ossie Davis! It cannot be bad if it's got the late, great Ossie in it.

Here are a couple of lessons *I* learned from watching JVTV.
1) Never tell women who you are trying to hook up with that you are dying. You will NOT get laid.
2) ALWAYS buy the absolute best luggage available. It will save your life multiple times.

Meg Ryan has not 1, not 2, but 3 roles in this, all different. This movie actually reveals that she can act by showing her range. Pity she hasn't kept that up.

Three beers out of five.

Sugar - 2005

Once again, I'm fairly sure that this movie was snuck into my queue by aliens. Or bastards at Netflix. My very first thought once the movie started. Black and white? A movie made last year in black & white?

Second thought: Oh, sweet Buddha with a Baseball bat, its an experimental film. SOmeone shoot me now.

No dialogue
No plot

Now I can die complete, as I've seen everything. I've seen a woman bathe in a 3 foot wide bucket with a garden hose. Indoors.

Then, suddenly, we're in color. Oh, that must mean that we're in a dream state. Yep, people seldom spit out all their teeth suddenly, except in dreams.

But by the end, they weren't following their own rules, I didn't care, and I just wanted the woman who was living in an apartment smaller than my compter room to just die and get it over with.

What a rip off. A 50 minute movie, no extras. This could have been a video CD. It should have been a coaster.

One beer out of five.