Saturday, April 1, 2006

Just Before Dawn – 1981

This is a pretty standard, 80’s slasher picture. The acting’s not bad and the scenery’s nice. There are no subtitles, which would have helped, as sometimes the dialogue is not the clearest.

This movie has a couple of unique elements. I like George Kennedy as a forest ranger who’s into botany and talks to everything (plants, his horse, etc). There are TWO killers (twins, I think), which confused me at first, and really confused the victims. And there’s very little music in the soundtrack.

Oh, and the climax is a treat. Death by fisting. Don’t see that very often.

There is a commentary by director Jeff Leiberman. He reveals that there was a death on the shoot. And that the lack of music was done on purpose. Beyond that, it gets pretty dull. He’s not exactly a lively speaker, and there’s no one there to liven things up either.

IMDB says that there’s a cut and uncut versions. Since there’s precious little gore here, I’m assuming that this is the cut version. But the director doesn’t say anything about cut scenes, so I don’t know. Maybe IMDB is wrong. It wouldn’t be the first time. It’s a great source, but it’s not infallible.

Two beers out of five. (a little nudity would have brought this movie up to a three real quick)

The Librarian; The Spear of Destiny – 2004 TV Movie

Yeah, I know. I said I don’t do TV movies. The reputation of this stinker preceded it, and I had to see if it was as bad as everyone said it was. This is a failed TNT pilot. And you can see why it failed within the first 10 minutes. The dialogue sounds like it was written by a 7^th grader. In fact, I’m sure my 7^th grader could write better dialogue.

And the soundtrack blows. It sounds like Superman II or Star Wars IV. Very 70’s. Why does a movie made in 2004 have this funky, 70’s sounding soundtrack? It’s painful, like Remo Williams. And if you haven’t seen that hurter, you’ve not done bad movies yet.

Hey, it that the ark prop from Raiders of the Lost Ark? It sure looks like it. This concept, that every artifact and relic is centrally stored and protected has always fascinated people. Too bad the folks who made this couldn’t write their way out of a paperbag. Bob Newhart and Jane Curtain should be ashamed of themselves. Didn’t they read this script? Were they starving? That’s the only excuse I can come up with.

And Kyle MacLachlan is here, as a bad guy. Who anyone over the age of 10 would guess that he was the previous Librarian, gone over to the dark side. I mean, who didn’t see that coming? OH, and if I just spoiled something for you, remember. You shouldn’t be watching this tripe anyway. Unless you are, like me, in it for the pain. In which case, all the spoilers in the world will not make this movie any better or worse.

Two beers out of five. (no hope for nudity. Not sure anything except burning would make this even a three)