Week of January 13 through January 19, 2007

Saturday, January 13, 2007
Zombie Nation - 2004

The good news? There are subtitles, and a commentary. The bad news? Half the shots look like they were shot on video, and half look like they were shot on film. IMDB says this was made in the USA, yet half the cast has foreign names and some are obviously NOT speaking english (no lip sync). Thirty minutes in, no zombies. Terrible acting, and I have no idea even what is going on. After 38 minutes, we at least get some boobies to brighten things up. Fifty minutes in, and we finally have zombies, but they're the cheapest zombie makeup EVER. It's just black paint around the eyes. Yeah, that sure makes 'em look like zombies. Sheesh!

The music is nice, but it's wildly inappropriate. And the ending is truly awful.

Commentary is almost unintelligible at first. Happily, there are others there, since the director's accent is too thick to understand. But understand brings no joy, as it's a terrible commentary. Just a bunch of assholes talking among themselves.

Sunday, January 14, 2007
Suicide - 2001 (Troma)

Hard wired subs, since it's in German.

OMG, is this boring. You'd think a movie about a pair of sickies who go around and film the suicide of people would at least be able to hold your attention, if not disturb or disgust you. Not this POS. By the end, you'll want to kill yourself to end the tedium.

The commentary is equally lame. They mention Necromantik 1 & 2, but I can't find anyone involved in this in common with those two, infinitely more interesting movies.

I can't imagine why Troma would release this. It's not shocking, not even very realistic, just dumb and dull.

Monday, January 15, 2007
The Evolved - 2006 (yet more Troma)

OMFG! This is some unbelievable sh*t! It's hard to believe it's British, unless the blokes who wrote it were high on crack! This is some kind of wild and weird. And foul, don't forget foul.

Oh, for piss sake, it's not even complete. Yeah, stay tuned for part two. Hold your breath.

The commentary has both directors (Andrew Senior and John Turner) talking about the concessions necessary to make a zero budget movie. A little technical, but too many failed attempts at humor. They guys crack themselves up. They do reveal that the movie was made for one thousand pounds.

What is up with Troma? First Suicide, then this. They are not off to a good start in 2007.

Tuesday, January 16, 2007
Abominable - 2006

Jeffrey Combs and Lance Hendriksen! Wow, I barely recognize Jeffrey. He sure can get ugly. And ol' Lance can sure talk some hillbilly, as can JC. The scene with them out in the woods is a real keeper.

This is one of the very few movies where the 5.1 audio effects really come through, and work in the movie's favor.

I hate to tell these guys, but the Satellite Internet doesn't work that way. You still need a modem to upload. So if the phones are out...

But it recovers with some nice gore towards the end.

The commentary is kinda weird, as it's not continuous. The director and writer, along with the main actor talk for awhile. But then, when Jeffery appears, it cuts to a different commentary where he talks for awhile. Then we jump back to the original group. Then the editor jumps in. Then the director is back, giving a homage to all my favorite directors. Very nice.

Other extras include a Making of featurette, Deleted and extended scenes, Outtakes and bloopers, and the director's student film "Shadows", which is pretty good.

Wednesday, January 17, 2007
Corpses - 2004

No subs, no commentary, and although it doesn't say that it's a comedy in IMDB, I sure hope they were going for laughs. Otherwise, this is really sad. The mortician is SO over the top, he's all the way down the other side of the mountain. Even the music says comedy.

No extras whatsoever. What's up with York Entertainment? Cheap movies, no extras, full price.

Thursday, January 18, 2007
Horrors of the Black Museum - 1959

Well, this isn't what I expected at all. The Black Museum is a collection of murder weapons in Scotland Yard. And it features Michael Gough, Alfred from the Batman movies. And we never do find out what the big old computer is for. No subs, but there are two commentaries.

Commentary #1 has the writer and executive producer (Herman Cohen). This commentary was obviously recorded far earlier. He died in 2002. Must have been off a laserdisc. Interesting that in 1959, in England, you could make a feature movie in CinemaScope for under $500K.. And he then went on to make a lot of schlock, including Konga! Ahh, he's now said it's 1997. So it's gotta be off a laserdisc. Too bad they don't talk constantly. I hate it when they have these big long silences.

Commentary #2 has David Devout and composer (Ken Jones). But at least they talk all the time. I don't know who David Devout is, but if he's a film historian, he is NOT very learned.

So, this commentary was cut in 2002, because they just said that Herman died this year. They sure have a lot of nice things to say about him.

An interesting extra on this disc is a 10 minute thing on hypnotism. They make it sound like this was somehow a part of the movie's presentation. Not sure how that would work.

There's also a nice featurette on Herman Cohen. Seems like he was a really great guy, which is pretty unusual for a producer.

Friday, January 19, 2007
Criss Angel, Mindfreak - Season Two - 2006

Actually, I've watched several episodes on quite a few days this week. But I finished it off tonight. You know, I'm a pretty sophisticated guy, but I have no FREAKING idea how he does some of this stuff. Say what you will, but on some of these stunts, it's as easy to believe that he has supernatural powers as it is to believe that this is all somehow all just an illusion. A few of the last episodes are a little weak, but I defy you to figure out how he does some of this stuff, like the walking on water and the levitation. And the motorcycle jump disappearance. And the elephant disappear WHILE SURROUNDED BY A FULL CIRCLE OF PEOPLE. Good luck with all that.