Satan's Playground - 2005
The ONLY thing cool about this movie is that it has Felissa Rose (Angela in Sleepaway Camp) and Edwin Neal (The Hitchhiker in Texas Chainsaw Massacre). Once again, I hate all the main characters. I hate both the female characters. Although the old women is a good actress, her character is more annoying than scary. And even Edwin as a retard is wasted and irritating.
This movie is utter predictable, in that each person does the STUPIDEST thing possible, thus guaranteeing that the bad things can happen.
There are no subs, but there is a commentary by the writer/director Dante Tomaselli. His monotonous droning made me wish he would choke on his own flem. A commentary is SUPPOSED to be more than a simple description of the action on the screen. No tech details here at all. This commentary gives commentaries a bad name.
Other extras include a Behind the Scenes (short, with no dialogue), and Dante Tomaselli and the Jersey Devil (an interview with the director).
Skip this puppy.
The Off Season - 2004
Angus Scrimm! Yippee! Two New York City natives go live in a motel in a tourist town in Maine in the off season, and the motel is haunted. Sort of an Amityville Horror at the Motor Inn.
And STILL, both are reprehensible characters, and I hate them both. I'm sorry, but I hope these people die in a fire. The only character is like is the Angus Scrimm crazy old man. He's cool. The rest get what they deserve.
And good god, is this thing slow. I could write the script faster than the action is happening.
The only extra is a Making Of, which is almost better than the movie. Maybe because it's got good interviews with Angus.
Another skipper, unless you're a glutton for punishment (like me).
Drawing Blood - 2005
Any movie that features Joe Estavez, you know is a cheapie. But hey, it's got Robert Z'Dar. He is such an interesting actor, I wish he was in more "big ticket" things. And finally, we have boobage. Sheesh, what a dry spell!
Pretty standard "psycho escapes & kills folks" movie. Some might call it a slasher. Stupid ending, though.
Only extra is a commentary by the Wolinski brothers. At least it's not just one guy droning on and on. Still, there's not enough tech, and only a fair amount of "who & where are they now", so it's not as interesting as it might have been.
Sunday, March 4, 2007
Future-Kill - 1985
The first fifteen minutes will leave you asking "What does this frathouse shit have to do with Future-Kill?" There's some nice boobage, when the boys go up to be with the prostitute, but why do I expect something bad to happen? Bingo! Substitution for a fat babe. Ughhh.
Soundtrack reminds me of "Everybody's got something to do, everybody but you!" It's just SO 80's.
Hey, it's Edwin Neal (again!). He was just in Satan's Playground. This was actually his second movie, 11 years after Texas Chainsaw Massacre. And there's Marilyn Burns, also from TCM, but she did 2 movies between TCM and this (both classics, Tobe Hoopers Eaten Alive, and Caution, Children at Play).
Basically, we have Warriors meets Escape From New York shot in Austin.
Commentary with Ed Neal and the director Rob Moore. Both are open about the fact that it sucks. Downtown area during the opening credits were not shot in Austin like the rest, but right here in Dallas (cause we got the cool skyline). Commentary fairly technical, with some "where are they now". But lots of "how to do it cheap", since the movie was made with $250K. I laughed out loud when, while talking about the fact that there actually are people who like the movie, Ed Neal says "Well, yeah, they've seen Ishtar"
Other extra is an Interview with Ed Neal that is excellent.
Monday, March 5, 2007
UHF - 1989
Continuing the Weird Al marathon, we have his only feature film, that is really a forgotten classic of comedy. There are some really great moments here. There are more "laugh out loud" moments than I remember. Time has been pretty kind, if you can get past that fact that there aren't any UHF stations anymore.
Commentary (and subs!) has Al and director Jay Levey. A budget of $5M, and it grossed over $6M in US alone (and that was probably before DVD sales). Tons of trivia and he points out most of the references (I can proudly say I got most of 'em). And Weird Al even talks about one of my favorite bad movies Forbidden Zone!
Other extras are deleted scenes and a behind the scenes featurette.
Tuesday, March 6, 2007
Rotten Shaolin Zombies - 2004
Shot on video, obviously. It's not a movie but a short, as it's not even 30 minutes long. As I watched it, I kept thinking "This IS supposed to be a comedy, right?" Actually, the funniest parts are the laughs from how GOD AWFUL it is. Cheap, cheap, cheap, cheap, cheap, cheap, cheap. And the fight scenes are ridiculous. They don't even come close to hitting each other.
To make up for this, there are four, count them 4, commentaries. And I can still do them all in one night, since the movie is 20 minutes longs without the credits.
Commentary #1 - Writer/director
Commentary #2 - The two main actors. A fair commentary, actually. Pretty funny.
Commentary #3 - "Hobo" Anders J. Svenson. Supposed to be funny, sorta like the movie. NOT! This has to be the stupidest commentary EVER. The ONLY good thing about it is that it's only 20 minutes long.
Commentary #4 - Make up artist Gunter Schettever. I can't even believe this guy thinks these effects are good. He acts like we can't see the f' fishing line. There is a little technical info, at least. He claims the budget was $30. I can't tell if he's kidding or not, but it certainly looks true.
Other extras include Make up and Special FX featurette - almost as long as the movie itself, and definitely better done. An action sequences featurette, not as good, and shorter. Locations/Making of featurette - why isn't there any talking? Any explanation of what we're seeing? How pointless can you get? And finally the Gag reel. Most unfunny gag reel ever. No bloopers, no flubs.
This one was a big disappointment.
Wednesday, March 6, 2007
Farce of the Penguins - 2007
Pretty funny. Some parts are laugh out loud funny. Stock footage of penguins, with a filthy dialogue track by Bob Saget.
Commentary also has Bob Saget. Too many jokes, too much pretending some of it was real.
Other extras include a Making of featurette entitled, humorously enough "To the Earth's Ice Hole and Back". There are also deleted scenes, with and without commentary. And an excellent behind the scenes which allows us to see the folks behind the voice talent.
This was a fun one.
Thursday, March 8, 2007
Headspace - 2005
Hey, it's Dee Stone again. I really like her. And William Atherton (the man who has no dick in Ghostbusters). And Olivia Hussey, who is probably embarrassed that she was in Quest of the Delta Knights (MST3K Episode 913) but redeems herself by being in the excellent Black Christmas.
And you won't see THAT coming. In fact, this movie successfully makes me jump TWICE. And that is VERY hard to do. This is a serious Mind F movie, a lot like Donnie Darko in ton and pacing.
There is a very nice commentary by the Producer/Cinematographer William M. Miller and the director Andrew van den Houten. Lots of technical details, and other interesting information.
Other extras include "Fractured Skulls" making of, a make up fx photo journal, and a "Creatures gone wild" bringing them to life. There's also deleted, extended, and alternate scenes. And a funny extended remix of a single scene called "Dirty looks".
So much here in this disc, there's a second commentary that I didn't get a chance to listen to featuring Composer, Editor, and a FX artist.
This is a keeper.
Friday, March 9, 2007
Stephen King's Desperation - 2006
This is a TV movie. Shit! Still, it's got an all star cast. Let's start off with the director, Mick Garris, of Masters of Horror fame. Then in the cast we have:
Tom Skettitt - Dallas in Alien
Steve Weber - was in MOH episode Jenifer
Ron Perlman - Hellboy and tons of other stuff
Charles Durning - the governor in Best Little Whorehouse in Texas
Matt Frewar - Max Headroom/Edison Carter
You sure can tell it's a Stephen King script. The dialogue sounds SO like real people. And I have to admit this is a lot better than I expect upon learning it was a TV movie.
Commentary has Mick and Ron Perlman. Ron agrees with me that King is the master of dialogue. There is also some great technical info, especially about lens.
Another keeper.
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