Week of Saturday March 16 to Friday March 23, 2007

Nothing on Friday or Saturday, due to family vacation. I didn't even take my laptop.

Sunday, March 18, 2007
last disc of the Savage Sinema from Down Under
Stained - 2006

Short (made for TV, but would never run here in the US) about a sicko praying on kids. Much slicker, well done. He sure has learned a lot.

Other Extras include Super 8 Early films, broken up between Melbourne years and the Detroit years. All pretty poor. Actually, I'm kinda shocked. That teenage monster movie maker looks like a genius against the more recent sets of early work by filmmakers. And this was the weakest disc of the set.

Overall, I'd say this set is a good renter. But not strong enough to buy.

7 Mummies - 2006

Ahhhhh, Billy Drago and Danny Trejo! What more could you ask for. Well, to start, bigger parts for this great character actors. Convicts escape while being transported thru the desert, but come across even bigger problems. Basically, this is a reimaging of From Dusk Til Dawn.

The guy talking folks to come into the bar is Martin Kove, who played Nero The Hero in Death Race 2000. And one scene featuring some beautiful, big boobie is almost worth the price of admission all by themselves. If only it was a little bit lighter in the room, so they could be seen better.

Overall, this really isn't as bad as IMDB sez. Hell, the folks who are blasting it need to read my blog, and watch of few of the real hurters I do. Word.

Don't get me wrong, this movie has lots of flaws. I mean, flying Kung Fu Mummy Jesuit Priests is a pretty hard concept to justify. I'm fairly sure that the Jesuits in the 1500's didn't study the martial arts. There's a really great scene where a mummy is holding a guy up off the floor (you know, where they show the head going up, and then the feet dangling. Does ANYONE buy this affect anymore?). And then somehow the guy levitates, as the mummy shifts BOTH hands to pluck out the guy's eyes.

People call it stupid (and for good reason) because there are fights and effects for absolutely NO GOOD REASON WHATSOEVER. And where did the motorcycle come from? Out of a 500 year old tomb? Huh?

Still, it's entertaining, especially after several beers. Give it a rent! Hey, it's better than watching the Special Edition of Ishtar!

Monday, March 19
Freakshow - 2007

Grimy, gritty, budget of $1M according to IMDB (they don't say in the commentary). There's some nice boobage, which is always a plus. And may of the human oddities are real, not special affects. As you might guess/expect, this is pretty much a modern retelling/reimaging of Browning's Freaks.

The commentary features the Producer Mark Atkins and director Drew Bell. Interestingly enough, this movie was shot entirely digitally in 12 days, and edited with Final Cut Pro on the director's home PC. The rest of the commentary is okay, a little technical, a little truth, but too much nicey nicey.

Other extras include an Alternate Opening and ending. Good plan there, they were terrible. There is also a featurette on "Story of Hank", which is a subplot that was cut, again with good reason as it's slow and adds nothing to the movie. There's a Make-Up short (real short, less than 4 minutes, which is a pity). And a short about the freaks themselves. It too was too short, as that could have been the most interesting part of the whole disc.

Tuesday, March 20, 2007
F*ck - 2005 Documentary

The history, effects, and legislature concerning profanity, "fuck" in particular. Lots of interviews. More interesting than you might think. And pretty funny in parts. Which is good, because the Rightwingers/religious folks who say I can't use profanity really make me angry, and make their cause look stupid. Also, be sure to look for the "fuck" counter, that counts the number of times the word is used throughout the film. Over 800. So if profanity offends you, don't rent this this!

The counter substitutes for subtitles, but there is a commentary. It's a solo effort by Steve Anderson, the Prod/Director. He talks about how it got financed and made, which was pretty interesting. Then he talks about the horrors of getting releases - 6 lawyers working on getting clearances for the pictures/old tv clips/music just for one 93 minute documentary. Shameful. He admits that as far as clearing music is concerned, if you've ever heard of the song or group, you can't afford it.

Other extras include deleted scenes (okay), extended interviews (excellent) bonus interviews (Bill Plinkton, animator) & director (from HDNet's Higher Definition TV Show) - very good indeed.

Wednesday, March 21, 2007
Bloody Reunion - 2006 Korean

This movie has an aka of To Sir With Love, which is funny, since the "sir" is a woman. And what's with the weird camera work, with pull outs and push ins for no good reason. Was the cinematographer drunk? Budget of $2.5M, and you can't see it in the first half.

A group of young people return to visit the invalid teacher that raised them. The second half has some good gore effects (guess that's where the money went). I guessed the ending, but then it turned out I was wrong, but only because they cheated!

Other extras include a Making Of featurette, deleted scenes (with and without commentary) (good call all, none of them should have been even shot), a special effects featurette that wasn't very special and an interview with the Director.

Fair, but don't buy it. Renter only.

Splatter: Naked Blood - 1995 Japan

Well, here's something new and different. A WTF movie from Japan. Haha, just kidding. Many Japanese horror flicks are mind-F' movies to westerns. This one is especially so. A young scientist, in an effort to remove pain, creates a endorphin enhancing drug, and secretly gives it to 3 girls. They react badly.

In many ways, this is a Japanese version of Altered States, with LOTS of gore. Fun!

The Manitou - 1978

William Girdler's last movie, alas. Of the 10 movies he made, I have 8 (only missing 2 blaxploitation flicks) I remember seeing a trailer for this at the drive in, and thought it looked cool. Seeing it now, though, it is definitely a child of the seventies.

First off, who would think of Tony Curtis as a con man AND our hero? And Burgess Merideth is funny too. And Stella Stevens (she was hot in the day) and Michael Ansara (seen in several Time Tunnel and Lost In Space episodes - 78 movies and 108 TV titles to his credit. Now there's a working actor! And he's still working at 84!) The dwarf playing the Manitou (Felix Silla) was inside Twiki in Buck Rodgers TV show, and had a part in Dave Friedman's She Freak!

This is hokey, cheesy fun. A buyer, in my opinion. This is what bad movie watching is all about. If you don't laugh out loud at the fashions, acting, and special effects, you're not drinking enough.

Friday, March 23, 2007
Masters of Horror, Season Two - John Carpenter's Pro-Life - 2006

Featuring the ever popular Ron Perlman! This is another movie that lives in that alternate universe where cell phones DON'T exist, and everyone is stupid. I mean, why weren't the police called when he first show'd up, breaking a court order? If they have a restraining order, and he's there, call them to enforce it.

But the amazing thing is that even with this stupidness, John Carpenter does it again. I've made no bones of the fact that I think his episode last season (Cigarette Burns) is the best of that season. And this one is great too. The second half is really awesome!

There's a commentary by John Carpenter and writers Drew McWeeny and Scott Swan. In it we learn that the score was done by John's son, who obviously is a chip off the old block, as the scores that John did to several of his movies were some of the best at the time. It was a 10 day shoot. And John's a lot more laid back than I'd expect.

Other extras include a Making Of called "Final Delivery" that was very good, and "Baby Steps: Birthing the FX sequence" that was fair, not bad but not great.

The Long hair of Death - 1964 Italian gothic horror

Barbara Steele! That means some of you will run out and rent this one right away.

This movie sports one of the most "convenient" lines by a priest I've ever heard. "If you're innocent, God will deliver you safe" from being burned at the stake. Yeah, that's right. Proving that their justice system was perfect, God didn't ever protect a single soul. Amazing.

Director is actually Antonio Margheriti - who gave us Ark of the Sun God, Cannibal Apocalypse, Castle of Blood (same year as this one), Virgin of Nuemberg, and War Between the Planets. Gosh, I've watched a lot of this guy's movies.

I love how the credits are full of Anglo names, yet in IMDB, we see they are ALL aliases for Italians. Guess they thought we wouldn't watch a movie that was full of Italians. More likely, you will either love Italian cinema, or hate it (I've converted. There was a time when I despised it. But as my love of bad movies has grown, so has my fondness for Italian movies. Go figure.)

The only thing bad about this was that the print wasn't in very good shape. Pity, because it was kinda a cheap Black Sabbath, without the Bava color.