Monday, May 22, 2006

Tamara – 2005

     Within the first 5 minutes of this flick, I realize that I am watching a “modernization” of Carrie. Oh boy, a remake with a new title. But I watch it, gamely hoping that some new and novel things will happen.

No such luck.

First off, there’s no nudity, AGAIN!. How can we have a movie about seniors without nudity? There are all these beautiful hot women, and every one of them keeps their clothes on. Bitches!

And of course, it’s made in Canada. I’m getting kind of sick of that too. If you’re not Canadian, stop going to Vancouver to make a movie. There are plenty of low budget picture makers (see the collective works of Eric Stanze, or Don Coscarelli) who can turn out a good flick right here in the USA. Yeah, I know, you can’t in Hollywood. But the country is full of actors in local theaters that will work in your low budget flick for nothing or next to nothing. There are hundreds of Independent movies being made in the USA for less than Tamara. All more original, without lame POV endings that should force these guys to be banned for making movies for life.

And finally, there’s the gore, or lack thereof. You know, digitally adding in a pool of blood under someone’s head does not count for gore. In fact, thinking back, I have no idea why this movie is rated “R”. There’s no explicit gore, and there’s no nudity. And every time something edgy might happen (the witch forcing too jocks to make out, for instance), they back away. The filmmakers are pussies. I mean, I don’t want to see a pair of guys being butt buddies either, but when she says she is watching them “F”, then they probably at least ought to have their clothes off and be doing more than kiss. Like I said, the filmmakers are pussies. Either they caved to Producers and money people, or wouldn’t do anything themselves. Either way, copout.

There is a commentary with the Director (Jeremy Haft) and Writer (Jeffrey Reddick). And I was very pleased that the writer admits within the first 10 minutes of the commentary that it’s a rip off of Carrie. At least he’s honest. But I was ready to throw something at the screen by the end of commentary, thinking “If these guys bitch ONE MORE TIME about having no money…” Seriously, you guys had over four times the budget ($4.75 million dollars!) as Don Coscarelli had to make Bubba Ho-Tep. Shut up and make something original.

One beer out of five.