Friday, April 14, 2006

Dumpster Baby – 2000

     Once again, I rent a Troma movie, and again I am disappointed. It seems like years since Troma put out a movie that made me smile. This one only made me grimace. First off, it’s obviously shot on video. And they must have used the microphone built into the camera, because the sound is often unintelligible.

Why the hell did I rent this POS? Was it just because it’s a new Troma release? Did someone talk about tasteless movies, and mentioned that this one is right up there at the top? But see, the problem is, to be truly tasteless, you have to know WHAT THE F’ IS GOING ON! We just seem to be moving from scene to scene, with the “baby” being the only connecting link. I guess that’s supposed to be enough. We’re supposed to think that we’re seeing the Dumpster Baby’s life (such as it is). But since you don’t see the baby until the final 2 minutes, its more like the traveling bundle of blankets meets street trash. Which, if the folks who make Street Trash (hell, even the guy who made Townies) had made this movie, it might have been fun. But it’s not fun, it’s tedious.

There is a scene that shows just how low budget this movie is. There’s a group of supposed suburban teenage guys (actually, they’re all in their twenties, but who’s counting?) camping out, drinking beer. No problem, it’s practically a staple scene for this kind of flick. But what beer do they drink? Miller Lite? Coors? NO, they drink Ole English Malt Liquor. That is SO Wrong, on so many levels; I leave it up to the reader to catalogue them all.

There are no subtitles on this disc, but there is a commentary. Good luck getting thru it. I don’t know where these directors (that’s right, this movie had two, and they’re both here for the commentary. Anybody else see a problem in that?) are from, but I’m betting its south of Atlanta. There’s also the Assistant Director, and someone who claims to be the caterer. I don’t know if he really was or not.  They talk about strip joints in Atlanta, so that’s why I’m thinking they’re from the deep south, and headed to the “big city” to look at some “neked women-folk”. Seriously. You hear a beer pop open about once every five minutes, but these guys never get drunk, and never get interesting. And to hear them talk, this movie is an epic. Have they not watched the movie? Isn’t it on the screen as they talk? How can they keep from doing a spit-take when the minister-guy humps the fat chick? Or at least laugh. But NO. They talk right on, like War and Peace was on the screen.

One beer out of five (the only nudity was nasty. I’m lucky to still have my eyesight)

Immortal (Ad Vitam) – 2004

     I got this movie from the William Shatner DVD Club. It’s a weird thing, ‘cause you never know what you’re going to get. But what the hell, it’s only $5. This month, it’s a Sci-Fi flick from France that no one’s ever heard of. And that’s too bad, because this is a pretty good flick.

First off, it’s like Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow, as all the live actors were shot in front of a green screen. But then, we mix in a dose of Final Fantasy, and most of the characters are completely computer generated. And it’s often tough to tell them apart. Finally, the real kicker is that the Egyptian gods have returned, and there’s a pyramid floating above New York City. Still with me? Good. Now, Central Park has been taken over by aliens, because some kind of Rift ™ has opened up there. And out of that walks what looks like a human woman who cries blue tears (yeah, it looks like she’s weeping toilet bowl cleaner. I thought it was funny too). Horus, the Egyptian god, has been condemned to death (we’re not told why) by Bast and Anubis (so only the bad gods have survived?) and He gets to live for 7 days among the humans before they off Him. And he spends that time looking for the girl who cries toilet bowl cleaner.

There, that about sums it up. And if that description doesn’t intrigue you and make you want to rent this flick, you’re reading the wrong blog.

Oh, and the soundtrack is great too. Too bad there’s only a making of featurette as an extra (actually, that’s pretty good. Most of the WSDC discs are stripped down versions). The music over the credits was GREAT, but I can’t find anything about Marc A Huyghens. If you know where I can find more of his work, let me know.

Four out of five beers.