Tuesday, March 21, 2006

Wolves of Wall Street – 2002

     I got this disc from the very affordable William Shatner DVD Club (http://www.shatnerdvdclub.com) last month. Bill says he’s gonna send me an overlooked or underappreciated movie each month for only $4.99. That’s a fair price for a DVD, so I’m in. And here I am watching the first one. (Actually, I got Ginger Snaps first, but I’d already seen that, so it’s gone into a ‘trader’ pile) It’s a German Production about a group of stock brokers who are secretly werewolves. Or at least, I think that was the plan.

There’s obviously a reason why this flick is overlooked. First off, due to what can only be graciously called serious budgetary constraints, there are no freaking werewolves. No transformations, no hairy guys, nothing. So right off, it’s a serious ripoff. Then, there all these “image” shots of guys walking in expensive clothes. What, is this a music video, or a commercial? And finally, there’s the acting. Or more correctly, the lack thereof (which faithful readers will recall I blame as much on the director as I do on the actor).

Speaking of directors, I looked the director of this gem up, and he’s got 81 movie credits. A whole slew of Full Moon stuff, but none of the good Full Moon stuff. This guy even Executive Produced stuff for Todd Sheets, including Zombie Rampage. (and you don’t get much lower budget than that!)  The only reason there is an executive producer credit is he must have brought in some money.

So you have a movie where you don’t like any of the characters, and there’s no action.  This movie is just like my friend Bob, Bland! (Hey, a secret shoutout!) You wanna know how dull this flick is? The great ending, the big climax [spoiler warning] is that the girl kills them all with a silver PEN. Geeee. How thrilling. And what a bunch of wimpy werewolves that can be killed by a girl with an ink pen.

One beer out of five (no blood, no boobs, no beers. It’s as simple as that)