Sunday, March 12, 2006

Night of the Dead Lovers

WARNING: Tonight’s movies are of a frank and mature nature. People under 18 are asked not to read this review. They most certainly shouldn’t be watching these movies. I am frankly amazed that Netflix rents these movies.

Necromaniac: Schizophreniac 2 -  2003

     Ron Atkin’s earlier work Eat the Rich, I thought was funny. That’s why I rented this movie. Wish someone had given me the head’s up. This movie is filthy and profane in a way that even I found distasteful, and I’m an ex-sailor that nothing offends. There is, in fact, no redeeming value to this movie at all. Poorly shot with worse audio. Poor special effects that were done better on smaller budgets by director’s who had more to say than “F” minorities every 15 seconds.

If you made a drinking game of taking a shot every time the “F-bomb” is used, you’d die of alcohol poisoning before the movie is over. In fact, a better drinking game would be to take a shot after every sentence that DIDN’T have a profanity in it. You’d probably emerge stone sober. There’s more profanity in this movie than 10 Tarantino flicks, and that’s saying something.

One beer out of five, and that’s only because there was some nice nudity. Otherwise, this would have been our first zero.

Nekromantik 2 – 1991

     I watched Nekromantik 1 years ago, and was impressed that such a vile subject could be made into a movie at all. Now, director Jörg Buttgereit does the impossible, and makes a chick flick out of the adventures of a woman who loves the dead. But after watching it, I’m left with one overriding question:

How can a movie so disgusting be so boring?

Still, it’s a better movie than Necromaniac. But then, being forced to eat raw dead hamsters stuffed with ground up glass would be better than watching Necromaniac.

German language only , with English subtitles, sort of like the bootleg Violet Shit VHSs I used to have.

Two beers out of five. The shocking conclusion is worth a point all by itself.