Saturday, February 04, 2006 - Part Two

Special Report - The Texas Frightmare Weekend
Or at least the first half of Saturday – Part Two, The Movies

I could only stay for two movies, as the chairs there were too hard on my bad back, and I started to hurt. But I saw two perfect examples of Independent Movies today.

The Ancient – 2005

I missed the “pre-movie” introduction of the movie. I would hope that the following little fact from IMDB was mentioned:

Filmed in only 3 days as part of the first annual Texas Indie Meet, held September 10-12 2004. The entire cast and crew were volunteers who flew in from all over the country to be a part of the production.

This explains a lot, as this movie is pretty terrible. The audio was real muddy, but I don’t know if that’s because it’s bad recording or the speakers were just being over-driven. I sat by the open door, so I had light to take notes. I counted three sets of bare titties, two off-screen deaths with “ketchup bottle of blood” squirts all over, and it features some truly award winning events.

Worst Indian accent ever, and the worst delivery of lines by a fake Indian Elder.
Even on the narration, the Indian accent is achieved by just talking slow.

Most Contrived Lesbian Shower scene EVER. It just suddenly appears for no reason whatsoever. We didn’t even know who the second woman is.

Most Pierced Rednecks ever seen in 1 movie. I mean, I’ve got nothing against people who want to decorate their bodies. But I didn’t know that it had become fashionable among the back woods set. Live and learn, I guess.

Worst CG Hatchet to the Chest EVER! The audience laughed. Granted, it wasn’t the only time when we laughed at something that wasn’t meant to be funny, but it was perhaps the most obvious. This was the big finale, and the special affect made it a joke.

Now don’t get me wrong. I love bad movies, and I will buy this as soon as it becomes available. But its hard to sit through something like that, and NOT be able to MSTie it.

Two beers out of five (and I sure wish I could have drunk them while I watched this one)

The Quick and the Undead – 2006

I’m gonna try and describe this movie without sounding like too much of a fanboy, but I’m probably gonna fail. THIS is what Independent Cinema is all about. A movie made by talented people who love the genre, and it shows in every frame.

First off, understand that this is a Spaghetti Western Zombie flick. A nice new twist on the Zombie apocalypse genre. The government is offering a bounty on every zombie killed, and to prove you’ve done the flesh eater in, you have to turn in the little finger from the right hand (pinky). When I saw that, I immediately thought of the perfect byline for this movie:

For a Few Fingers More

Okay, you have to have watched at lot of Sergio Leone, to get that reference, but the cast and crew will appreciate it. And if you have, when you see this flick, you will see a ton of influences. I swear that the main actor, Clint Glenn was channeling Clint Eastwood. It was perfect. But then, nearly everything about this movie was perfect. Every actor cared about his part, and it showed. The special affects were top notch (done by a college professor and his class). Photography by Scott Peck was gorgeous and dead on. Hell, the credits look like they spent their entire budget on them alone. Gerald Nott, who both wrote and directed, obviously has a great love both for film and for the genre. Its usually not a good sign when you have a writer/director, as few can do both well. Gerald is obviously the exception that proves the rule.

If this movie doesn’t get picked up for a big distribution deal, there is no god. Any big budget studio would be proud to have made this movie. The fact that it was made for about $100,000 only shows that Hollywood is truly out of control.

Five beers out of five. Outstanding first feature effort. Buy it when it comes out, or be a low planes drifter.